Stories From The Coach
"T" Speaks From The Heart
Comprehensive Coaching and Living Well
During my first year as a coach, one of my clients, I’ll call him Bill, came to me seeking career assistance. He told me he didn’t want to talk about anything personal, just deciding if he should remain in his job or go out on his own and start a business. Bill was bright, sensitive and feeling hurt at work as his boss and his company weren't treating him fairly.
The second coaching session, Bill began talking about his wife and how supportive and loving she is and his children and how they told him to quit and be happy, and then he moved on to talking about his weight loss goal and fitness goal. I listened deeply, felt very connected to this wonderful human being, and then asked Bill if he realized he had allowed me into his personal life.
He laughed and said it was hard to coach without the whole person being involved.
Less than 11 months later, Bill had quit his job and started a home-based financial business. He had lost a little over 20 pounds, was eating healthy food and going to the gym daily. He spent more time with his children and had the time for his favorite hobby of investing in the stock market. He had more energy, more freedom and more self-esteem.
We agreed he had met all his goals and had found a business he loved and created more joy in his life. When we agreed to stop coaching for awhile, so he could fully process what he had gained, we both laughed about how much he felt I was a major part of his personal life and how he hadn’t wanted to go there.
Bill came back to coaching about 2 months later to focus on building his business and making it more profitable. When he called to re-join coaching, he told me not to hold back from any of his life areas. I remember smiling and when I hung up the phone, feeling the deep respect and love I had for this warm, friendly human being. I felt fortunate that the Universe had connected us and that I was getting to do the work I loved each day and meeting so many extraordinary people, like Bill.
My coach training had taught me to keep my personal feelings out of the coaching and I realized that because I had allowed my personal feelings in, more and more over time, my clients and I shared a deeper bond. I decided that I was going to coach differently and not follow rules. Instead I share myself fully with clients and don’t hold back when clients ask me questions.
I could never imagine myself saying to a client, “Well if you did know, what would the answer be?” although I was taught that in coach training. Instead I’d share openly and fully my perspective for the client to try on.
Back to top of page
How I Became A Coach
I was born in Yonkers, New York and lived with my parents and sister in a small apartment. We had minimal financial resources and a household that was full of love and rules. My father worked in sales and my mother stayed home to raise the children.
I remember feeling happy as a child and while I loved to play with my many friends, was equally happy with my dolls on my own. My belief was that life was pretty darn good and money wasn’t that important.
When I was in the 3rd grade, driving home from visiting our large family at my grandmother’s home, which was full of cousins and aunts and uncles and food and love, I told my parents I wanted to teach people to feel love. They asked me many questions on that ride back from Brooklyn, NY, and I had full responses to each one. I saw myself in the future helping other people feeling happiness and love.
I choose speech-language pathology as my major in college as I felt it would connect me with people and that I would impact others communication so they could enjoy speaking and hearing better. During my graduate studies I began to realize that the patients I was treating were not going to make major improvements and I saw their hopes and their families dreams not being realized.
I decided I would work with Down syndrome children and hoped that I could begin with them at young enough ages to impact their communication. This population was one I adored working with and brought me much joy. I soon realized that even with the youngest children, speech-pathology results were slow and often negligible.
I tried working with “normal” school age children and found I didn’t fit in. These kids had minor speech problems and neither they nor their parents were too concerned and wanted to change their speech.
So, I decided I’d start my own clinic, seeing the populations where I could make a real difference. That work was gratifying to me and I help people who stuttered, had voice disorders, language disorders and articulation deficits quickly move forward and make progress.
I felt good about my work and still held the dream of creating more happiness and realizing assisting people in communication was a piece of it, but not the entire vision.
 My husband, Mark, who had been with me since I was 17 years old, as my connected partner, supported my work and allowed me to have a relationship where I felt loved and respected. I had the love and happiness I envisioned for others.
Mark and I later started a business together where we taught other people to make a large amount of money selling beautiful art. I loved this business because Mark and I did it together and because we brought beautiful art into people’s homes and I could feel and see how delighted the art made them. I also loved helping people make money, so this felt very rewarding. Still not complete for my vision, but getting closer.
I ended up working in marketing and later administration for health care companies as I got sucked into the "titles" and the "money" in big time corporate America. For the first time in my career, I was unhappy with the work I was doing and felt I wasn’t connected to people and was moving further from my vision.
When one of my close friends and colleagues (Marni Hope Reisberg) died at the age of 40, a week after my mom passed from emphysema, I decided life was way too short and I would live my vision now.
I knew that I wanted to assist people and wanted to help them be happy, enjoy life and feel fulfilled. I wasn’t sure how and then I met a coach on a plane and in that instant realized I was meant to be a coach.
Back to top of page
Sharing Myself
As soon as I trained to become a coach, I realized much of what I was being taught did not fit for me as a person. I was told to hold back on sharing my relevant life and work experiences, yet told to promote and advertise my expertise on websites. I kept wondering why I would not share and give to others.
Being a blank screen did not fit for me and I decided that for me to fully be in a coaching relationship with my clients, I would give of myself when relevant. Sharing is a basic, important element to any relationship and creates connection and builds trust.
During my first year as a coach, one of my clients, we’ll call her Trish, often came to the coaching sessions to talk about what she was deciding in her relationship with her parents and her boyfriend and often asked me about my relationship and my parents and where and how I was raised. My coach said I shouldn’t go there with the client and the client was stalling and wasting time. I believed that my client wanted to use her coaching time to express herself, to be heard, to be accepted, to think aloud and to also hear my perspective. So, we coached in this fashion.
My client moved forward fast deciding how she would connect best with her parents and choosing to move to the mid-west with her boyfriend. She thanked me for being there for her and for helping her form her own opinions and make her own decisions about how she was going to live in the world.
Back to top of page
How much do you want to know about me?
Sharing is a concern for coaches and often they get scared about doing so or are told not to do so. I believe in sharing whenever it will serve the client.
I had a client, we’ll call her Jill, who had never had a close female friend and was CEO of a large organization and felt like she had no one to talk to. During our executive and leadership coaching she’d often use part or all of the session to ask me questions about my career, my experiences and how I made friends and found time for them. This sharing with Jill helped her find her own way of making friends, balancing her work role and her life and getting comfortable with another woman as a friend.
If anyone believes they are going to totally isolate their feelings and their lives from their clients, I believe they are mistaken. My clients ask me questions about things that I am shocked they know – like one client asking about my 25th wedding anniversary and me wondering how he knew about it. They want to be and choose to be part of my life as I choose to be part of theirs.
I recall one of my coach training instructors telling me that my brochure should be about coaching and not about me. When I jokingly suggested I use a generic brochure, he thought that was a great idea. I instantly knew I wanted a more human connection with my clients.
I had a client several years ago, let’s call him Bruce, and he asked me many personal questions. My coach suggested Bruce was being inappropriate and suggesting that Bruce had a love interest in me. I felt what Bruce needed was a female friend and a female role model in his life as he sought out a female coach and spoke often about being brought up by his father with his two brothers and always feeling uncomfortable around his female boss and co-workers. I certainly maintained limits and boundaries yet allowed Bruce to get to know me personally. I don’t think a blanket rule can apply. Bruce told me that I made him less afraid of the women he worked with and he began to feel more comfortable at work and in his male/female relationships. I believe if I can’t be me as a coach and my clients are censored in coaching, where we are creating a safe space, then coaching isn’t doing what it is said to do.
Back to top of page
The Whole Person
I love coaching in a comprehensive way as I get to work with the entire person including mind, body and spirit. These aspects of a human being are so entwined that they cannot be separated into components. When one area is not quite right, neither are the other areas.
I worked with a client a couple of years back, let’s call her Diane, she was a manager unwilling to look at anything but her work. She refused to share personal feelings and her life story and was not open to bringing in spiritual resources. I sadly had to let her go because she was not willing to try coaching as a comprehensive being. My experience is that if the person resists the holistic approach I cannot serve them.
Many months ago a client, we’ll call Jimmy, told me about migraines he was having that were getting in his way of marketing his business. When we addressed proper nutrition, stress reduction, his self-confidence, eating right and moving his body more, the migraines left, allowing him the time to work on marketing his business.
Back to top of page
Client’s Path
One of the most difficult challenges I have had as a coach was seeing that when clients resist or don’t choose the path that I believe is right, I must allow them to follow that path and to walk their own way. I want so much for my clients to have what they desire, yet I know that I am not here to save or rescue the clients and they really are where they are meant to be and perfect human beings.
The hardest lesson as a new coach was not pushing the clients or leading them to my path. I wanted to drag them all with me to happiness and love and ease, and many didn’t want to come. I realized this was an unmet need I had to try to save people and once I saw this need and let it go, I became a better coach, allowing my clients to fully determine their own path.
I learned fast when one of my clients, we’ll call her Susan, asked me one day, “Should I divorce my husband?” My entire body responded and I instantly knew that I was not there to determine her choice or to lead her to a choice I felt was right for her. I told her honestly and from my heart that I did not know the answer. I knew making my own choices each day in my life was difficult and knowing what choices were right for me was a dilemma, never mind doing this for someone else. I realized I could help her explore her options and get to her feelings, but I could not and would not tell her what to do. I have never forgotten this session. I learned in an instant from this experience.
I was running a coaching group when one of the people decided he was going to leave the group. Several of the other members told me I couldn’t let him go, he needed the coaching and the group was helping him with his work. I asked the members if I should see if the local prison had space and then I could house him there and we could come in weekly for the group meetings. They laughed and they got my point. I fully trust my clients to make their own decisions always.
When a client tells me they don’t want to answer a question, want to change the topic, want to coach on something else, I trust that and allow them to guide the sessions. I believe in my clients fully and I respect and honor their inner sense of knowing.
Back to top of page
The Many Forms of Coaching
Coaching can mean different things and can look and feel different. Sometimes coaching has nothing to do with answering questions or revealing information. Sometimes it is the silence created in a safe, loving space that allows us to feel good and get in touch with what we want from deep inside.
I have one client, a young woman who is disabled and needs to work from home, who is silent for much of the session. I meet her where she is and accept her style and honor her fully. After a few months she had decided on a home based business and an action plan to create this business. She said I was a “brilliant” coach. I simply knew to be with her, as she wanted.
One of my executive clients, a CEO, we’ll call him Michael, told me I could coach his managers but could never discuss anything personal with him as he didn’t want to coach with me if I was one of those “life” coaches. This client is brilliant and fearful at the same time. I agreed to coach him on business issues only. Whenever a topic came up, too close to “life” coaching for him, he simply said stop and we moved on. During one recent session he told me he didn’t know why but he was feeling happier and had a more positive outlook. He thought it was odd since we weren’t doing life coaching. I told him sometimes just being together on the coaching journey changes everything. Michael smiled and said to keep doing whatever I was doing.
Back to top of page
Growing Myself
Life is about meeting people, going places and experiencing new and wonderful things. Many of these people change your life forever.
I was dealing with the loss of my mother, my friend Marni, and my cat of nearly 20 years, when my dog of 15 years also passed. Life felt difficult and sad. Then I met a woman who was a spirit coach and she began to teach me about believing in a higher power and feeling more and turned me onto the works of Abraham-Hicks. This woman opened up my beliefs and perspectives and allowed me to heal and move forward.
Suddenly I felt joyful again and more connected to my mother and felt less sadness and loss. My life moved forward. This was a life changing experience that expanded my awareness and opened up my spiritual channels.
I added spirituality to my coaching and became a more comprehensive coach. I incorporated what I learned into my workshops and books and my day-to-day life experience. I began to use techniques from Abraham-Hicks and the works of other spiritual teachers. My clients felt even better served and I finally found I had the missing link to effective coaching.
Back to top of page
Where Am I Currently On My Journey
I have been coaching for almost a decade and have met so many wonderful clients and I have trained over 3100 coaches worldwide! I love sharing insights with clients and students and am an avid believer in self evolution.
During my years as a coach I have studied the Laws of the Universe under some of the greatest teachers, coaches, trainers, mentors, authors and quantum physicists on the planet. I live based on these laws and apply these laws daily to my life and work and have created the business of my dreams, friends that love and support me, the ability to release any baggage I have carried around in my life and work, and feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling fabulous all the time. I am living happy, healthy and smart and easily reaching all my goals. My life is filled with only my best self showing up at all times. I use the Laws of the Universe to manifest what I want quickly and am always tapped in to how magical it is to choose what I want and then resonate with it and attract it.
My journey has led me to wanting to share this with others who are serious about transforming and who are late bloomers wanting the greatest evolution possible. People who want an easy and effortless and fun life plan that fits with their authentic selves and are not about any "should's" or "have to's" or old stories or programs. People who make choices from their hearts and know success on their terms is worth any price. Committed people who want the ultimate inner shape up which transforms all their old limiting beliefs and frees them to live in joy and peace.
I share in an intense process how to really dig into who they are not who they pretend or think they are. Then these EXTRAordinary human beings live their lives as they choose to experience them with the ultimate happiness, joy, love, health, income and spiritual peace.
Back to top of page
My Tools
I now use energy work, visualizations, meditations, writing, scrap booking and other exercises in my coaching. When I do my work I bring my left brain to listen, analyze, think theoretically and interpret what the client is saying. My right brain pulls in my intuition and feeeeeeling and emotionally responding.
When I hear a client I get them logically and pragmatically and then I get them beyond the words and in my emotions. It may look like the coach isn’t doing much, to those who haven’t done this before. It is a magical process.
I trust my ears, heart and body to fully know what the client needs and what I am to say to the client. I notice my body often reacts first.
I was coaching a young woman and although we were speaking about her lack of money, I kept feeling something in the pit of my stomach. It hurt me. Later, she revealed to me she’d be sexually abused since her early childhood. My body knew something wasn’t quite right before my brain did. This inner knowing or inner coach is what guides me to do my work effectively.
Role-playing and visualizations are wonderful tools I often use. Dream journals, meditating, positive aspects diaries and evidence notes are also effective and allow my clients to move forward very quickly and grow fast without pain.
Sometimes we are dealing with business issue, other times with relationship problems or health problems or just making decisions.
One of my clients wrote her money autobiography surfacing up beliefs and fears that held her back her entire life and caused her to be in lack. She worked on allowing, meditations, and prosperity thinking, and then kept an evidence journal of money coming in. Within months her business was making significantly more money.
Back to top of page
Visualizations
By seeing images of what it is you want and feeling and believing those images, you can attract more of what you want faster.
A recent client was going to be fired unless she produced $27,000 more sales in the next month. She was scared and depressed when she came to me.
We created a visualization of her work being easy and effortless, of her meeting and exceeding the target with ease, and 4 times a day for 10 minutes per time she held this vision, fully feeling and seeing it. Less than 3 weeks later, her sales were at $52,000 and growing.
Another client was reluctant to try visualizations and felt it was a female thing and would not work for him. He decided to try it out regarding attracting the perfect mate. Each day he thought about this mate and saw her in his minds eye. So far he has attracted more dates and more of the right types of women. Moreover, he feels better and more excited about dating and believes he will find his ideal mate through this process.
Back to top of page
Scrap Booking: A Look at Life
Words, pictures, and drawings can be very effective in assisting clients to connect with their desires and also to acknowledge who they are. I do many exercises using scrap booking with my clients. Sometimes they are doing a scrapbook about a certain belief, like being overweight. Other times it is about attracting high paying clients with ease or being successful in their work.
I have the clients describe what they have collected and why, to help them see themselves, the issues and solutions more clearly.
All That Is
I have incorporated my beliefs and experiences about trusting in the Universe and knowing there is a greater power beyond us into my coaching. By allowing ourselves to believe that things are as they are for a reason and accepting the karma of the Universe, we have more peace and less desire to force, push or control.
We accept more, love more, and dance forward more joyfully.
Back to top of page
What Is Coaching?
Clients and friends and family and potential clients ask me “what is coaching?” with great frequency. What a great question. No words can quite explain what coaching is. Technically it is a success partner who helps you move forward.
Beyond that, I see it as working with a person who has an extensive knowledge and love for human beings and who has a toolbox of ways to allow you more of what you do want while ridding you of what you don’t want.
Coaching requires you to have a coach yourself, so you don’t take clients anywhere you haven’t gone. I am shocked when I meet coaches who have no coach of their own. How can people understand the coaching process fully if they are not experiencing it themselves?
If a client is stuck, it means the coach is stuck. By coaching on your issues as a coach and moving through your blocks, you will have tools and resources required to coach clients through anything.
Coaching is head and heart, mind, body and spirit and knowing and feeeeeeeeeling. It means you are willing to fully connect with humans and to share and journey with them and travel wherever they want to go.
Back to top of page
How Do I Know When Coaching Is Complete?
Many people fear they’ll change too much from coaching and lose themselves. They are afraid coaching will change who they are.
This story says it all. The client who wanted to find his perfect mate… he has gotten married and has more self-esteem and confidence and a job promotion. During a recent session he told me that he originally hired me to try to change himself to find a perfect mate and to be an ideal mate. He said, “I am still me, just as I was before. I just have a new perspective on everything.”
After coaching you will still be you. You will be more confident, feel better, and have less old cumbersome stories in your head and less fear. You’ll accept you as imperfect with all your imperfections much more easily.
Back to top of page
And How Long Will It Take?
Many clients ask me this once they hire me. They want to know how many sessions they should plan on. I told one gentleman recently it would take many months and he then quit after the first session because he wanted an instant quick fix.
I tell clients it depends on them and how fast they want to go and how many changes they want to make. There are 8,760 hours in a year and it will take time to work through the various decades they’ve been on the planet. Adults are more difficult to mold. It takes time; it is a process and not a band-aid.
Your Coaching is not forever. You will work through to achieve what you desire and then be on your own once you have the tools you need.
Coaching is a magnificent journey and I am honored and privileged to serve my clients. I understand the human spirit and see it each day in each of my wonderful clients.
I thank you for allowing me to share these stories with you and invite you to journey on the coaching path and open your heart and soul to the joyful experiences awaiting you.
Back to top of page
|
